So after my assessment I have had a wait which has felt like forever. Thanks to the enduring support of people from Twitter, I knew roughly what range of wait there was to expect. It still felt like an endless one though, and I’ve got off lightly compared to some.
Recovery time was needed from an assessment which left me feeling fragile and insecure. I still do to a certain extent, which is part of the legacy of the PIP process which there isn’t really any formal mechanism for dealing with. The assessor leaves, with yourselves and those around you left to pick up the pieces.
For ages now Fran has been intercepting the post. We knew that the arrival of the verdict was fairly imminent as a couple of weeks previously, we’d had what seemed like an utterly pointless letter telling us that they now had enough information to make a decision. Given the assessment I’d experienced I wasn’t surprised about this, but I was also relieved.
I was in the shower when Fran banged on the door. ‘It’s here, and it’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok!’ We were both in tears. I had got a result that was consistent with my DLA, and a long period of review. It was an outcome that I thought was fair, and I wouldn’t need to go to appeal, which I was very surprised about, as that’s what I was expecting all along.
There was a mixture of emotions. There was relief. There was reassurance that things were as I saw them and felt they should be. There was also a lot of guilt. A kind of survivors guilt. This is something I’m still experiencing. I feel so bad for those whose outcomes were not what they want them to be. I feel bad for the continued waiting that they are going through.
So whilst my own process is over in the short term (that is unless the goalposts are moved again as with DLA!) I am determined to keep raising awareness about the nature of the process.
For me, the right outcome has been reached, but by means which are totally wrong. The process is a damaging, inaccessible and costly one, which is still not fit for purpose. That a just outcome was reached in my case does not change my view on this. If anything, it reinforces my view, given the extensive process that I have experienced, and the extensive extra support (both practical and psychological) that I have needed to complete the process.
My own next steps are to use my experiences to hopefully help others in a personal capacity. As I write this, I’m fortunate enough to be going on holiday for a few days. When I return, I’ll do so with some further reflections and practical suggestions.