The stare

Spread the love

This blog arose out of an encounter I had with Fran. A woman stared at Fran for so long I think she mistook it for a life drawing class. This set me thinking about similar encounters we had both experienced and the impact they could have. I hope it proves thought provoking.

Have you ever felt someone looking at you out of the corner of your eye? Forensically they survey you from head to toe, as if struck by the mystery and novelty of what they see. On occasion, they attempt to do so more subtly, quickly glancing up from what they are doing, only to look away and glance back again, a second glimpse to confirm what they have seen.
Imagine it happening every day. Imagine it happening ten times a day. This becomes second nature. The choice of yours then becomes how to react. Do you acknowledge it? Do you ignore it? Do you smile? Do you perhaps strike up a conversation?

Each time you have to make an assessment. It even becomes part of your daily routine. Personally, I now almost accept that to notice difference in any form is part of human nature. The stares become second nature and in all but the most extreme cases, you move on. Over time a subconscious resistance to the stares build up and you manage your awareness of peripheral vision accordingly.

In a different context, each time we pass an accident on the motorway, the phenomenon of rubbernecking can take hold. Motorists slow to survey the scene on the opposing carriageway.Then, the traffic resumes and you continue on your journey. 

At other times though, the stares make an impact on the resistance you have. Like everyone you have a bad day and sometimes you crave annononity. Sometimes someone stares too much, and remarks just that little too loud and it is hurtful. This is especially the case on a night out. I am not drunk before I walk into the pub. 

One exception to this is children, those natural curiosity about the world causes them to ask questions. Innocently they ask what’s happened to you. Often, mortified, the parents usher their children away. 

Personally I think it is the children who have it right. The stares come from a desire to understand the difference they see. I’d rather people ask in the want to increase their understanding, than to not and still wonder. It is natural to want to know more.

In some instances it is different. Every day we have conversations with people who get to know us. That’s the real measure. However forensic the stare, there is no substitute for that.

I’ll try and resist the temptation to get too preachy here..but recent events show the importance of being able to connect with others and understand that which is different.

We can’t simply walk on by and get on with our lives, nor merely ban enquiry about that which may make us feel awkward or threatened (are you listening Mr Trump?)

It is time we moved beyond the stare (and well and truly kicked arbitrary bans into touch!).


Spread the love

About the Author

Chris Whitaker was born and grew up in Cheshire, arriving in the world with cerebral palsy after a complex childbirth. Apparently, he was lucky to be here at all and has tried to make the most of life ever since! Chris has worked in the third sector for a few years now and is also a charity trustee. Making a positive difference every day is what drives him and he gets to see the impact the third sector makes. Chris has also been able to use his own lived experience as a disabled person to make an input into his working life.

Leave a Reply 1 comment

Swimming with Dolphins  – Personally Speaking Out - February 4, 2017 Reply

[…] each other. This has been something of the theme of the holiday, especially given my previous blog (http://www.disabilityspeaks.com/2017/02/02/the-stare/) and events in America which have left me utterly […]

Leave a Reply: