Monthly Archives: February 2017

0 Swimming with Dolphins 

As we approach the conclusion of another great holiday here in Cuba, there was one thing left to do: swim with Dolphins.

It has been on my bucket list for a while now but I’d not taken the opportunity on our previous visits. This time, Fran said I would regret it if I didn’t, especially as I was with my parents and it’s the stuff great memories are made of.

There were several things that struck me about the visit and the broader thoughts this led to. First was the majesty of the dolphins we saw, possessing tremendous power and yet moving with such care and grace.

Secondly, there was the emotional intelligence the dolphins had. I had been told before that they would pick up on how I was moving and engage with me in a different way as a result. As a person, I tend to believe things when the evidence demonstrates it is so. 

Sure enough, the dolphins studied me very carefully as I was waiting to enter the water. It was there our connection started. They helped me to interact with them, guided me in the water and didn’t playfully splash me (unlike the rest of our small group!) Seeing, and experiencing, is believing. 

This also reminded me a lot about partnership and the need to carefully learn from each other. This has been something of the theme of the holiday, especially given my previous blog (https://www.disabilityspeaks.com/2017/02/02/the-stare/) and events in America which have left me utterly bemused.

Oh that such dolphin emotional intelligence was a little more abundant. I think we all could do with a bit more of that at times, and if dolphins can do it so can we!

On my visit to Cuba I’ve also been struck by how accommodating the people are and how they will work to make anything possible. This mindset is all the more impressive given the lack of resources here. I’m fairly certain that the understanding of the social model of disability isn’t exactly on the priority list here. 

Yet things just happen, adjustments get made and there needs to be no court cases to ensure this is so. Maybe we should all be a little more Cuban too!

There is also the issue of risk. My dad, despite being a pensioner, had never been in the sea where he couldn’t touch the floor. We could have taken a shallow dolphin visit where we were up to our mid line in the water. We were able to say to my dad though that given we had a life jacket, the deeper dolphin area was worth a calculated risk. He took that risk and was thoroughly rewarded. Often, calculated risks are worth the rewards they bring! 

It could be argued that this words are tinged with the rose tinted nature of holiday spectacles. Perhaps so. Whatever the way I’m looking at things, I’d recommend the experience I had to anyone. Being around dolphins is an experience not to be missed.

1 The stare

This blog arose out of an encounter I had with Fran. A woman stared at Fran for so long I think she mistook it for a life drawing class. This set me thinking about similar encounters we had both experienced and the impact they could have. I hope it proves thought provoking.

Have you ever felt someone looking at you out of the corner of your eye? Forensically they survey you from head to toe, as if struck by the mystery and novelty of what they see. On occasion, they attempt to do so more subtly, quickly glancing up from what they are doing, only to look away and glance back again, a second glimpse to confirm what they have seen.
Imagine it happening every day. Imagine it happening ten times a day. This becomes second nature. The choice of yours then becomes how to react. Do you acknowledge it? Do you ignore it? Do you smile? Do you perhaps strike up a conversation?

Each time you have to make an assessment. It even becomes part of your daily routine. Personally, I now almost accept that to notice difference in any form is part of human nature. The stares become second nature and in all but the most extreme cases, you move on. Over time a subconscious resistance to the stares build up and you manage your awareness of peripheral vision accordingly.

In a different context, each time we pass an accident on the motorway, the phenomenon of rubbernecking can take hold. Motorists slow to survey the scene on the opposing carriageway.Then, the traffic resumes and you continue on your journey. 

At other times though, the stares make an impact on the resistance you have. Like everyone you have a bad day and sometimes you crave annononity. Sometimes someone stares too much, and remarks just that little too loud and it is hurtful. This is especially the case on a night out. I am not drunk before I walk into the pub. 

One exception to this is children, those natural curiosity about the world causes them to ask questions. Innocently they ask what’s happened to you. Often, mortified, the parents usher their children away. 

Personally I think it is the children who have it right. The stares come from a desire to understand the difference they see. I’d rather people ask in the want to increase their understanding, than to not and still wonder. It is natural to want to know more.

In some instances it is different. Every day we have conversations with people who get to know us. That’s the real measure. However forensic the stare, there is no substitute for that.

I’ll try and resist the temptation to get too preachy here..but recent events show the importance of being able to connect with others and understand that which is different.

We can’t simply walk on by and get on with our lives, nor merely ban enquiry about that which may make us feel awkward or threatened (are you listening Mr Trump?)

It is time we moved beyond the stare (and well and truly kicked arbitrary bans into touch!).