Monthly Archives: January 2017

The Paradox of being called inspirational 

I bet you thought that because I was on holiday you were safe from blogs for a bit. Far from it…my mind just finds other things to think about. Cuba is lovely and time in the heat reminds me of the value of rest!

Every so often Fran and I get told that we are inspirational. This is something I struggle with a bit. Fran is inspiring..a five time world champion..I get that..but for me I am less sure! I think that everyone is in their own way, it’s just that some ways are more prominent than others.

So the chap that called us inspirational was a great guy. He, his wife and daughter all worked in various ways within the learning disability sector in Canada. So it wasn’t a kind of patronising ‘inspirational’ which was good. This kind of inspirational, well meant as it is, is difficult. You smile and gently challenge, pointing out that we live independently and that is usually enough to make people think.

So why then is being called inspirational a paradox? For me it is because it shows how much work there is to be done whilst at the same time showing a version of what is possible.

The basis on which Fran and I are called inspirational is essentially down to the fact that we get on with life in that we:

-Both work: We’re frequently told by professionals and others that we are the only disabled people they see or know who have jobs. 

-Own our own accessible house: This is probably more down to the shortage of accessible housing than anything else! 

-Go on holidays by ourselves: Through careful research it is possible to find accessible places

So being called inspirational for these things, which I would argue are not particularly remarkable, makes me a bit sad. Shouldn’t everyone with an impairment be able to do these things? The fact that Fran and I are regarded as being exceptional for doing so shows the challenges disabled people can face. These challenges are arguably more profound and stark than ever before given the unprecedented social and personal political landscape we find ourselves in.

According to my mum (we’ve come on holiday with my parents as we’ve raved about our resort!) I under estimate how difficult my own life is. She gives the example of it taking 10 minutes to put my shoes on to illustrate this point! Maybe she makes a good one.

My standards are really high and that’s why being called inspirational fires me up. I want to keep making a difference so that I’m not regarded as inspirational any more. That’s the power that this slightly awkward and ill fitting label gives. 

So there is the paradox: Being inspirational is sad and a call to action all at the same time.  I maintain that everyone is inspirational in their own way. 

The form counselling I’m training in suggests that success is doing what we can with the resources we have. I’ll raise a mojito filled glass to that!

On being a charity trustee: Why diversity is key

This week, I was very honoured to be asked to sit on the board of trustees for a fantastic charity.  Its a progressive and innovative one whose distinctive approach makes a real impact to the lives of the people it works with.  In the last few months, I’ve been fortunate enough to find myself in demand and should all go well, this will be my third board position.  Alongside a full time job and my counselling training that means that life is busy but that is how I like it.

The role of a trustee is as important as it is valuable.  Essentially, in this context, trustees are there to make sure that a charity takes good decisions and makes a positive difference.  As a trustee, I see my role as a critical friend who is there to support and develop the work of an organisation that I am involved with.  Each position I have is interesting as it involves taking decisions in different contexts and working with others to ensure that a sound course of action is taken.

One of the reasons I have found myself in demand is my mix of personal and professional experiences.  Unfortunately, disabled people are underrepresented on boards.  I know from the experience I have had and the people I have worked with how valuable having a range of perspectives is, and its good to see that organisations are working hard to increase the diversity of their boards.  This diversity and experience allows boards to take key organisational decisions ‘in the round’ with a range of factors considered.

At the tender age of 34 I also am quite young for a trustee.  In 2010, a study by the Charity Commission found that the mean average age for a trustee was 57 years old and that two thirds of trustees were aged 50 or over.  Just 10% of trustees were aged 30-39.  It is fair to say that at first it took me a while to get used to the practice, operation and discipline of sitting on a board.  By now though, it is second nature to me.  I also have had the privilege of learning from lots of different people from all walks of life.  It feels really good to be making a contribution to helping an organisation develop.

The roles are usually what you make them too.  The formal time commitment is typically to attend a board meeting once per quarter and to prepare for this by reading all the papers ahead of time.  There is always the potential to get more involved by sitting on board sub committees that look at specialist areas too.  In return for this time and the contribution it helps to make, the potential for personal and professional growth is huge and I am now much more knowledgeable and confident as a result of my board room experiences.

Using the lived experience I have too has been helpful in raising additional issues for consideration and another set of eyes on decisions.  That’s why the diversity of representation is key: the multiple ‘ways of seeing’ issues and problem solving skills all helps to add to the mix and support improved decision making.  Debate is healthy too, and having a range of views helps to bring about that in the name of reaching the best possible solutions and courses of action.

I have been really lucky in that there has been lots of flexibility too in order to enable me to participate.  Technology is great in terms of allowing the ability to dial in and Skype into meetings, meaning you don’t always have to physically ‘be there’ to attend meetings.

So my key message is..give it a go.  Being a trustee is one of the most rewarding things I do and I would recommend it to anyone.

1 Overcoming depression and becoming Dr Chris

Yet again, I find myself in conflict as my fingers hover over the keys.  Normally when I write a blog I am decisive and it is written in a few minutes.  With one topic it is always different: Depression.  Should I even write about this?  What will people think?  Will they think any less of me?  Is it just too much to share?

When I started this blog, I had one rule in my mind: That I wouldn’t back away from anything. I wanted to raise awareness about disability issues and give people what I hoped would be a useful and thought provoking perspective on things.  Writing about depression is always an acid test.  Despite the openness around depression increasing, it is still a really hard one to confront and describe due to the questions above.

I hope that this blog, written to mark 4 years since I became Dr Chris, is helpful.  If you read nothing else from this blog, just take away that depression can be beaten no matter how bleak the situation seems.

So to set this all into context:  I have always been fortunate to be successful.  I was in my early twenties, had just graduated from Cambridge and was training for the Paralympics in London alongside working on my PhD, for which I had just won a rare scholarship.  The world was my oyster and I was on course to get my PhD before my 25th birthday.  I had a loving family, brilliant friends and a season ticket to my beloved Sheffield Wednesday.

Then though things changed.  The combination of training for the Paralympics and trying to do a PhD alongside teaching was tough.  For the first time in my life I was struggling academically.  Then a series of events knocked me for six.  I had a family bereavement, my best friend was tragically killed and I started to hide away.  I then got swine flu proper to top it all off!  Things got worse and worse.  I moved home and even my relationship with my family which was normally rock solid began to suffer.  Around that time I had met someone and decided that I was going to move in with them.  I realised that things were really bad when I couldn’t decide whether to board a plane to join my family for a few days away.  Even being on the train made me nervous and I had a panic attack.  I eventually boarded the plane but it had taken me an hour to decide what do to.

Something needed to change.  After weeks of agonising I decided I needed to go to the doctor.  That was one of the hardest things I had to do.  I was lucky in that I was ‘bad enough’ to get some time away to begin to regroup, together with some prompt help and that started the process of recovery.  Though I felt as though I was on the floor for a period of time, at the back of my mind I knew that I wanted to return to my studies.

I had a long period of counselling which gave me some great insight, self awareness and the tools to keep myself in a healthier place.  In true Chris style I did this the hard way, but I got there.  Eventually I was able to return to my studies, albeit very anxiously.  I don’t think anyone thought I was ever going to get my PhD, but in a way that was all the encouragement I ever needed.  Due to the time away, I had a revised goal, get my PhD before I was 30.

My time in counselling had given me some perspective too.  I gradually began to see the people I cared about again and to let them know what had been going on.  I had not seen some of my friends for about 3 years but put that right bit by bit.  I had also met Fran who was a rock for me and had decided to start my own business representing Paralympic athletes like Fran after seeing a gap in the market.

It was a really hard slog building up my own business and finishing my PhD, but I got there.  I hit my goal, graduating from my PhD exactly one day before my 30th birthday.  I have now been Dr Chris for 4 years and during that time have got married, held down a good job and am a trustee for two charities.  I have also found my voice via this blog and am excited by life and all that it offers.  I am also in training to become a counsellor myself, so I can use my experiences to be there for others.

One of the best pieces of advice I was given is that when all feels hopeless, sometimes you just need to let other people hold on to hope for you.  Consider this blog as a contribution in that sense.  Talking about mental health issues isn’t easy but it does help, and there is a positive way forward.

I beat depression, and you can find your own way to do so too.

The NHS ‘in crisis’: A personal account

Hello.  The recent story of the NHS being ‘in crisis’ according to the Red Cross is one that hit close to home.  The following is an account of the very real human impact a broken NHS is having on the lives of two individuals.  It won’t be an easy one to read (or write!) but I hope it provokes some thought.  It has been written with Fran’s permission and is written in a purely personal capacity and reflects only our personal views and is not reflective of those of any organisations we work for or represent in any way.

It was an ordinary day in August back in 2014.  Fran had been out and she came into the house with a crash and shouted that she had fallen and hurt herself.  Falling itself is a fairly regular event so that didn’t phase me.  However, the fact that Fran said she was hurt rung big alarm bells.  Fran has a ridiculously high pain threshold, so the fact that anything hurts usually means there are significant problems. Little was I to know just how far reaching those problems would be.

Fran said her foot hurt and could not put weight on it.  Given Fran’s pain threshold I told her that I suspected it was broken and she would need to go to A&E.  With that, she burst out into tears.  To that point, Fran had the ability to walk a few meters unaided.  When you have reduced mobility, the little that you do have assumes a tremendous amount of significance, especially when you are as fiercely independent as Fran is.

We were taken into A&E after a 45 minute wait for an ambulance as we couldn’t get into hospital in any other way.  The staff were really helpful and very apologetic for the delay.  Fran was given some much needed pain relief and we made our way into Addenbrookes.  After a long wait to see someone, we were sent to x ray and sure enough Fran had a broken foot.  No surprise there.

What to do about it though?  Having a body that doesn’t work in a typical way can cause real problems for medical professionals who just aren’t used to dealing with how that body works, or what a patient needs.  By now I was becoming seriously worried as Fran’s pain levels were increasing and even the highest dose of morphine (which it took some persuading to get) wasn’t working.  Such a dose would have knocked anyone else out but didn’t touch the sides for Fran.

The next events were critical.  The consultant on duty was called.  By now we had been in A&E for hours and Fran’s name had gone to red on the patient sheet.  A traffic light system was in use based on how long patients had been in the department.  There was a palpable sense of pressure to get something done.  What happened was that Fran’s foot was cast in its resting position, facing inwards.  Fran screaming throughout.  It was one of the most horrific things I have ever experienced.  If you have ever witnessed a loved one in pain you will understand what a painful thing it is to witness and just how powerless you feel.

The result of the foot being cast in that way was that Fran’s foot was irreparably weakened, never having been the same since.  By acting in haste out of the desire to patch up Fran and ship her out, the course of Fran’s life was profoundly altered.  Fran was referred on to the foot specialist after A&E.

In what was to become a regular pattern to this date, I then has to constantly press and battle to get things done.  The first meeting at the foot clinic was a good example.  It was the name of the consultant that was on the clinic.  The appointment that took weeks to come through, despite it being ‘urgent.’  Except it wasn’t actually the specialist we saw, it was his junior, who had no experience of dealing with Fran (the consultant had operated on Fran due to a sporting injury she had in a matter of days when she had private medical insurance as a result of her funding.  If only we were able to afford that now!) and couldn’t help.  I phoned back, complained, explaining why it was necessary to see the specialist, and fortunately this happened at an appointment a week later.

It took literally months to get anything done.   Out of desperation, I even took some money out of savings to get Fran seen quicker by the same specialist. Fran needed some more tests. An ‘urgent’ CT would take 3 months.  At this point Fran was in bits.  She was living in the lounge of our house, unable to move, let alone leave the house or work. Again, out of desperation I got on the phone.  I was able to discover that there was a portable CT machine that nobody was supposed to know about, and get the CT scan done quicker.

In the mean time Fran was in plaster and her foot getting weaker and weaker.  After a period in plaster, we fast forward about 12 months to the Christmas of 2015.  After the worst and most difficult 12 months we have ever had, we decided we needed to move house to give Fran some quality of life.  Other ways to do this via the NHS were unsuccessful.  Fran waited 12 months for an appointment at pain clinic, which she had been dropped off at by her carer.  As someone with a first class degree and a masters she is more than capable of attending appointments by herself.  The pain clinic consultant however didn’t see it this way and upon seeing Fran in her wheelchair on her own and his first words to her were “Where is your carer?”  “Hello” and the ability to engage with Fran as an individual was apparently too much to ask for. 12 months on, she is still waiting for a promised follow up appointment.

The last example of the broken system I will refer to is some experimental surgery Fran had in December 2015.  The specialist said he would try an experimental procedure to loosen Fran’s foot.  Because the foot had originally been cast in its resting weakened position it had set there, weakened and now needed to be loosened if Fran was able to regain her mobility and the independence that went with it.  Due to a cancellation, this was scheduled for the night before New Years Day.  Fran had the surgery but was unable to move and needed injections.

There was no way of organising any other help over the festive period so we had to ask Fran’s mum and one of our close friends for help.  That was the difference between being discharged and a long stay in hospital.  Also because Fran needed injections, and it would be difficult to get a nurse to do it, I had to learn to give them, which was not without difficulty given my own lack of fine motor skills. Still, as ever we found a way and Fran was able to come home.  Unfortunately the surgery did not improve things and Fran has lost 90% of the little mobility she had prior to her fall, which has been devastating to come to terms with.

I have not had the time, energy or strength to chase these things up, so things are currently in limbo.  Countless appointments have been promised, cancelled and just not happened.  It should not be a full time job to ensure someone gets the care and treatment they are entitled to  Fortunately we were able to find a bungalow that Fran is able to get around in and has recently returned to work after having her car adapted.  The house didn’t need much doing to it to make it accessible, which itself is a minor miracle, and have made our own adaptions.

So when I hear the NHS is in crisis I am not surprised.  The system is as damaged as Fran’s foot.  This is a shocking reflection on those who run the system which creaks despite the good will of those who run it on the front line.

More must be done and the system must improve for the good of patients in its care.  Ours is just one story, but I wouldn’t wish the experience we have had on our worst enemy.