Disability and growing up: A letter to my younger self

Picture yourself as a 16 year old.  What would you say to yourself?  What advice would you give?  That’s my task in this blog.  There is a bit of a back story here, as after reading my blog, the parent of a 16 year old got in touch with me.  I thought I’d use this as a positive opportunity to reach out, and hopefully do some good in the process.

Dear Chris,

I’m now writing this as someone who is, scarily, double your age.  I wanted to write this letter, not only to reassure you, but also to give you some gentle advice, which hopefully will be useful.  The big news is that you are going through a difficult time now, but being able to negotiate these years well will open up some really exciting opportunities for you.  It is a time where you get to take an increasing amount of responsibility for your actions and choices as you find your feet as an adult.  There is loads to learn too, which is both fine and to be expected.  We never stop learning!  There is so much I want to say to you but I have limited myself to just 5, so that the key things stand out.

  1. Be yourself and accept who you are

You may think this is a really obvious one but it lies at the heart of everything.  You know by now that you are who you are and that there are things that you can’t change.  The only way is to accept those things and make the best of them.  Through this acceptance, you’ll be able to grow to be more comfortable in your own skin.  In terms of being yourself..totally vital.  Take the time to explore who you are and where you want to be.  You have lots of opportunity to do that now, and working these things out, though a little scary, will help you make good choices later.  Likewise, this will help you to stop being someone you are not, which is always a waste of time and never a good move.

  1. Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness

So we both well know by now that you are stubborn. Good, to a point at least. This stubbornness gives you determination, resilience and will help you to prove people wrong.  However, there comes a point when you are cutting your nose off to spite your face.  In these situations, asking for help in order to maximise what you can do is a real strength and not a weakness.  Have the courage and strength to speak up (especially when it feels scary to ask for help – that’s probably when you will most need it!) and you’ll be amazed how further it gets you.  Everyone needs help from time to time.

  1. Don’t beat yourself up

This may be the hardest.  Thing is, that deep down, there is an amazing person within you.  You probably won’t grasp just how much potential you have and how many possibilities there are.  There will be this nagging voice in your head though that doubts this, which constantly beats yourself up as never good enough.  Suppress that voice and believe.  Give yourself credit for the strides forward you make (however small they might seem.)  By being good to yourself, you’ll give yourself the most chance of letting your best self emerge.

  1. Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time

This one is really tricky too, but I promise you that by stopping comparisons with others, you’ll save so much time.  Go and look in the mirror..go on..:)  Do you see that person looking back at you?  That is the person you have to compare yourself to..you and you alone.  That is the person who will have to live with the direct consequences of the choices you make.  Everyone has to find a path that they are comfortable with and has their own things that shape that.  Don’t worry about the comparisons*.

(* – that doesn’t mean to say you can’t learn from  others.  On the contrary, you’ll learn from everyone you meet.  Keep the good points and discard the bad!)

  1. Treasure those closest to you

There are people around you that love, care and support you and will do so no matter what.  This is the most precious and valuable thing you’ll have.  They will be impacted by the choices you make, so keep them in mind too as you make them.  Above all, show them that love back.  They might not always be around forever, so make the most of every bit of time you have together.  Especially keep the ones close who will challenge you.  That challenge will keep you honest and help you to keep making good choices.  The people who challenge you constructively are often also the ones who respect you the most, so remember that this comes from a really good place.

I hope this letter is useful Chris.  You are going to have some really exciting times ahead.  Keep making good choices, working hard and the above advice in mind, and all promises to be well!

All the best,

 

Chris

 

 

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